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Are there girls in this book?
Empathy is a big factor in emotional intelligence. It allows us to navigate social situations by inferring or inquiring about how others are feeling. Empathy is crucial to building relationships in any professional setting whether it be the workplace or the classroom. Studies show that reading increases empathy, so why wouldn’t we want boys to empathise with the other half of the human species? Writing for the Washington Post, children’s author Shannon Hale recounts the myriad ways in which adults discourage boys from reading stories with female lead characters: A school librarian introduces me before I give an assembly. “Girls, you’re in for a real treat. You will love Shannon Hale’s books. Boys, I expect you to behave anyway.” At a book signing, a mother looks sadly at my books. “I wish I could buy some for my kids, but I only have boys.” A little boy points to one of my books and exclaims, “I want that one!” His father pulls him away. “No, that’s a girl book.” Hale’s books, particularly the ones with “princess” in the title, are often bait for this sort of treatment. However, based on reports she’s gotten from parents, boys love her books as much as girls do. The only thing making them “girl’s books” are the adults in the room. And if literature is a major means of learning empathy for others, adults are in effect teaching boys not to empathise with girls. When we tell our boys that they should avoid the stories of women, we are teaching them not to listen to women. These lessons trickle down into classroom behavior and, when the children grow up, the workplace. But even if we aren’t explicitly or implicitly shielding our sons from books with female protagonists, they may still be hard to come by. A 2011 study found wide disparities in the gender of central characters in book publishing overall, finding that books overwhelmingly opted for male leads. To combat this institutional bias, we must actively ensure that our boys are reading books with female main characters. Further, we need to stop treating books with female leads as lesser books only for women’s entertainment, especially to our boys. When we teach them these stories don’t matter, we teach them that the female experience doesn’t matter. That lesson carries into the workplace, the classroom, even their love life. At JEI, we believe that reading is for everyone. Our Reading & Writing enrichment programme takes children through a whirlwind of literary genres, including non-fiction. For instance, our curriculum includes Matilda, Roald Dahl’s classic novel. In it, the title character, a precocious five-year-old girl, survives her world of abuse at the hands of her parents by playing ingenious pranks on them. At school, Matilda’s classmates are terrorized by the tyrannical headmistress Miss Trunchbull whose punishments are so outlandishly severe that no parent would believe their child. Matilda uses her wit, her leadership skills, and her unexpected powers of telekinesis to run Miss Trunchbull out of town. This novel shows boys that girls can be powerful and intelligent, able to take control of the world around them. Matilda and other female-led stories such as Harriet the Spy and The Cam Jensen Mysteries teach boys that women can take proactive roles to change the world they live in. The first step to our boys seeing female characters with a full range of emotion and experience is getting these books into their hands. JEI’s Reading & Writing programme is a great way to start that process. Summer is a great time to get started with this programme. Each month, your child will read one book while completing assignments testing core competencies like reading comprehension and vocabulary, usually as essay prompts. To get started with our Reading & Writing programme, find a JEI Learning Centre near you.
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How our children’s social lives affect their academic success
Having friends teaches our children social and emotional skills that cannot be taught through instruction. But did you know that friendship can also boost academic achievement? Research has consistently shown that friendship and group membership in school is positively related to academic performance. In a 2018 meta-analysis of 22 different scientific studies, Kathryn Wentzel and her research team concluded that “working together with a friend and simply having a friend were related significantly and positively both to cognitive and performance outcomes.” As parents, we can’t control our children’s acceptance by their peers. We can, however, help them develop the social skills necessary to build and maintain friendships. First, parents need to model good social behavior. When talking to your child, it’s important to talk to them in a manner that your child can emulate. This means demonstrating good emotional management by resolving conflicts in a civil, constructive way. Another way parents can teach good social skills is to validate their child’s emotions. This means not trivialising or punishing problematic emotions, but rather talking through your children’s emotions with them so they can better understand and control their feelings. One thing that might be particularly difficult for parents is granting their children the freedom to figure out social relationships. This doesn’t mean disconnecting entirely from your children’s social life, but rather asking questions about their friendships. Ask them what they do with their friends, how they feel about who they hang out with, and what kind of influence those friends are having. We can’t control our kids’ social lives, but we can help our children take stock of their relationships to make the right choices when choosing friends. We can also put our children in enriching social situations where they can develop friendships around positive activities. At JEI, our intimate classroom environment allows our students to build relationships centered around learning. Our Reading & Writing programme, in particular, puts children in conversation with each other around classic children’s stories as well as some non-fiction. To enroll your child in our programmes, find a JEI Learning Centre near you.
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Must-have skill for children #3: setting clear goals
It is natural for young children to not take responsibility for their own lives. The shift from being taken care of to taking care of themselves is not something they tend to think about. As a result, they usually do not make any goals or they let others set their goals. The younger they are, the more they tend to be short-sighted as well, but at a certain point, it is time for them to learn about long-term visions and plans--which is where the parents come in. It is important to teach your children to take control of their future, guiding them toward their infinite potential. You can do this by working on their goal-setting skills. Many do not do this in the most effective and productive way possible, so here are some tips on properly setting goals: Be Process-Focused, Not Result-Focused The most important thing to know about setting goals is that they are not meant to be met, but to be strived for. They are there to give your children a sense of purpose that propels them forward and puts them in the correct mindset. They give an idea of what the children are going for and what is important to them. With the right focus, they can be better tomorrow than they are today, which is the simplest goal that trumps all goals. The motive for goal setting is to improve themselves, so remind your children to not get stuck on reaching the goal because they may only be disappointed. They may become too hard on themselves and feel perpetually defeated because they are dependent on the outcome. Instead, they should focus on the process. This way, they will stay motivated with a growth mindset. Remind them of this Les Brown quote: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.” The goal is the moon, and the true goal is to get closer and closer to it. Regardless of whether they finally get there, they will end up in a much better place than they would have otherwise. Decide on the Importance of Numbers Regarding results, it is important to let each child decide whether numbers will be important to him or her. This depends on the individual, and everyone is different, which JEI cannot stress enough. That is why we have a comprehensive diagnostic system to assess each student. Goals should always be clear, but there has been some debate lately about how specific they should be. Some people are fueled by numbers that show their improvement. For example, someone could be trying to get a score of 1600 on the SATs. Then, it would help to monitor and record every practice test, just to see how close that person can get to it. Some people have to see the progress in a clear and precise manner through measurements and records. However, some people do not work well with numbers. They get stressed out and blinded by the stats, which breeds a plethora of negative emotions, such as dissatisfaction, comparison to their past selves or others, frustration, and disappointment. They become consumed with reaching the goal, so instead of recognizing and appreciating that they are becoming smarter or more knowledgeable, they get angry at themselves for not hitting the perfect score--especially when other people have. Play around with different types of goals to see which works best for your children. Set Realistic Goals That being said, another way to fight off the defeat that comes with not reaching goals is to set realistic goals that are likelier to be reached. Break up a big goal into smaller goals. With the SAT example, break it up over periods of time. Focus on a section at a time, and even that section could be broken up into smaller sections or specific recurring concepts. It can be intimidating and can invite procrastination if your children decide on a huge goal that feels impossible, such as, “Be the first human on planet Jupiter.” However, if they organize and research, they will be able to make more realistic moves toward this big goal by setting up the smaller ones like the rungs on a ladder leading to Jupiter. However, then the question becomes: is it realistic to land on Jupiter? Can a goal be possible, and if so, can it be reached within a certain timeframe? Make sure the aspirations are not too far-fetched, like becoming an Olympic gold medalist in figure skating at the age of 28 after training for two years. Always Question the Intention Children will not feel as strongly about a goal if it has no intrinsic value for them. If they wanted to get all A’s to prove to themselves they could do it and to get to their dream college, then they will be much more motivated and excited. However, goals are hard to reach or even climb toward if the intention behind them is not good or strong enough. If your children think they should get all A’s on their report card to look better than other students, they will not be as motivated. Students should ask why it is important that they reach a specific number. Is 1600 on the SATs really going to make or break a chance at their dream college? What would it mean for them to get into that specific college? Watch out for intentions that are more harmful than helpful, such as ones that feed the ego, primarily serve other people, or depend on extrinsic values (e.g., praise, money, fame). If children set goals, and they are not working toward them, it is good that they take a step back and ask themselves what their intentions are. Why did they set this goal in the first place? If they had felt motivated, but do not any longer, what changed? Take Responsibility for Failure There are a few ways children can take full responsibility for their goals. The first one is by setting a timeline. It is easy for children to set a goal and think, “Eh, I got all the time in the world to get there.” For this very reason, schools set deadlines and due dates--otherwise, the lack of self-discipline leads to lack of self-motivation, which then results in nothing getting done. Sure, it is all about the process, but the process should not last indefinitely. The second way is to further strengthen self-discipline through habit building. Repetitive action is key; we have all heard of “practice makes perfect.” This sets up a routine, which sets up a habit, which then paves the way to the goal. It would be impossible to get anything close to a 1600 if they do not take the time to practice the SATs at regular intervals. It would help them to decide on a specific time every day so they make sure they work consistently toward the goal. The final method is to create a consequence. Although reaching a big goal is not a priority, achieving smaller goals on the way to achieving that big goal is essential. Children need to learn to hold themselves accountable, so they should decide on a consequence if they keep putting off the smaller goals. They could promise to mow the lawn for the whole summer or donate their allowances to a charity for a month. This will teach the children that their words and actions hold meaning and weight. == Setting clear goals is an important skill for children if they want to live their lives to the fullest. Remember that JEI Learning Centre believes in each individual’s infinite potential, but without goals in mind, it will be hard for such individuals to even begin exploring all those possibilities. Teach your children how to envision their future, set appropriate goals, and develop the discipline to reach the next level in their lives. For further help, JEI Learning Centre is available for help through our many programmes, all of which focus on creating goals toward self-improvement. Find a centre near you now!
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